Kristen is an Air Force wife, enthusiastic mama and country girl writer. She is a joy hunter-downer who writes of looking upward for fresh-air encouragement at Chasing Blue Skies. She and her husband David have 3 precious young’uns, twin sons (age 11) and a daughter (age 7). Kristen and her family enjoy their home under the wide-blue-skies of glorious Colorado.

I kept repeating it over and over in the car:

“You suck, you suck, you suck, you suck.”

It was an out-of-tune but familiar song, these words composed by me and for me. I was leaving a friend’s recital rehearsal where I didn’t play well. While the other musicians mastered the difficult music, I struggled. And since I was the youngest of the group, I felt even more insecure about my ability. I practiced it ’til I was blue in the face {literally}, but I just couldn’t get the complicated rhythms under my fingers.

flickr photo credit :: Horia Varian

So, I berated myself over it. Beating myself up black and blue…now there’s a rhythm I play all too well!

This personality trait comes out in other areas of life, like how I must explain away any compliment I receive. If you say my dinner tastes yummy, I’ll tell you all the things that went wrong with it. If you tell me you like my hair, I’ll tell you about my pesky gray spots.

The heart of my problem? I don’t give myself an inch of grace. And while this may seem like a more acceptable, pious form of humility, it’s really just ingratitude in an ugly dress.

When I get a compliment but stammer and make excuses for it, I am taking the gift from God spoken through another person and saying, “No thanks! Not interested!” as I hand it right back to them. I’m shoving the gesture-and the gift-back in their face.

And sometimes? That buttoned-up-and-stiff-collared ingratitude will bring along her detestable, attention-hungry big brother named pride. Quite a pair they are, ingratitude and pride. They run around together, wrecking havoc and trampling grace.

If I can’t humble myself enough to just say, “Thank you!” by accepting a compliment, I am being prideful, not graceful.

Eventually, I mastered my friend’s difficult recital music and played well at the performance. How? I practiced. I kept after it ’til I had the rhythms down and could play them in my sleep. It seems practicing is a good way I will learn to give myself grace, too. When I’m tempted to trash talk myself, I remember whose treasured possession I am. I choose to exchange lies for Truth. When I feel tempted to give excuses after a compliment, I can choose to give a simple “Thank you!” instead.

God’s grace is sufficient, and His strength comes into its own in my weakness. Change won’t happen overnight, and I’ll have to practice a lot to get these rhythms under my fingers.

But I can give myself a little grace for that.

Do you have a difficult time giving yourself grace?

I met Kristen for about 5 seconds at the Relevant Blogging Conference last October.  I walked away thinking, “I wish I had more time to talk with her!”  I also bump into her at all my favorite blog spots {we have the same taste in encouragers I think!}  I love her new blog Chasing Blue Skies – it is a breath of fresh air and I know you will love it.  I’m so grateful she took the time today to remind me that giving myself Grace is always a good idea, especially when my girls are watching and imitating my every word!

**for other stories of Grace, click here.