Have you ever started something and then wondered what in the world you were thinking? It reminds me of the scene in the movie Tangled when the main character decides to bravely step out of her comfortable towered room into the unknown for the first time in her life. As she takes her leap of faith she joyously exclaims, “Best day ever!” However, in the next scene she is a weepy hot mess lamenting her decision and branding herself a failure. She tumbles from heights of happiness to the depths of despair, back and forth over and over again.
I’ll admit it. Writing a book that lays wide-open my heart has me experiencing all the feelings a girl can feel. I have bravely stepped out of my own comfortable towered room into the unknown. On one hand I am ridiculously excited because I love the idea of you putting down my book and inspiring you to pick up the Book that truly matters. This is my greatest hope. I’ve said it before, and it bears repeating, “The one book I want you to read more than mine is God’s Word.” My passion for God’s Word has only grown as I’ve placed myself at his feet and said time and time again, “What do you want your girls to know about your book, Lord?” He has been faithful. I have been moved to tears more than once at his nearness and direction.
At other times, I find myself face down on my bed questioning my calling. I wonder what in the world I’m doing trying to pen words about holy things. I have quit so many times in my head. I’ve assured myself my editor would be grateful if I just sent the contract back and said, “Truly, you have the wrong girl.” Surely they would receive my regrets with relief. Surely.
Have you ever felt that way? What did you do about it?
Apparently author Flannery O’Conner struggled with going back and forth in her head as well. She was in college when she wrote these word in her prayer journal. I was so moved by it. It is such a sweet and timely reminder. The important thing for each of us to remember this is God’s story, not ours. As we place ourselves in his hands, he fills the pages of our lives with enough holy words that overflow into the lives of others if we let them.
“But the invitation for us is to simply write Jesus across every heart we encounter. When we do that people will not say, “She is amazing.” They will say, “Wow. Her God is good.” Fresh Out of Amazing, Chapter 9.
Oh sweet friend. Let him fill your heart and then write Jesus across every other one you encounter. And let’s just give him all the glory. May we not steal any for ourselves or our own platforms.
Jesus, pick up your pen. Write on my heart.
Today and always.
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