I’ve been thinking about writing one of those posts called a day in the life. You know the kind where I would snap a photo and tell you pretty much everything I was doing all day long. I love those type of posts because you get to see stuff like peanut butter on the counter, a house full of toys, and the messy joy of life. It makes crazy mamas like me realize, I am actually pretty normal.
But then I get a text from my mom and I hear that my dad is sick again from the chemo and what I really want to do is sit on the floor and cry. And really, who wants to see that? I text her back and tell her it is going to get better. I mean it. As I pause to talk to Jesus, my toddler shows up and needs her diaper changed. And so I do that instead of sitting on the floor and crying my eyes out. Seems like the right thing to do at the time.
And life lately is a mix, you know? We are praying and believing and begging God for miracles. While at the same time we are blowing out six birthday candles and getting ballerinas ready for their dance. I am meeting the most lovely women, soaking up sound teaching and feeling the smile of the Lord. But most nights tears fall down my cheek as I get the coffee maker ready for the next day and I think, “How can this weary mom do it again tomorrow?”
So in the midst of it all l think how bad I need to feel the fresh breath of His Word in my heart. I tell Him what I really need is a God summer. He says, “You, me, 90 days and my Word. I’ll give you that God summer.” I say yes and somehow so do hundreds of other women.
Truth be told, I am thrilled at the thought but here I am again with tears falling down. See, I believe in what Priscilla said. I believe that “each time we read His Word He meets us there.” I know that each of these women will freshly meet their fearless Father and the Savior of their souls. Because that is what He promised to do for them.
But if I’m honest, what I hungering for, is for Him to meet me. I know He will meet them, but I need to believe He will meet me. I lean back in my chair tears ready to drop and wonder how I am going to lead and encourage all these women in this journey when I can’t stop crying myself.
And in a lovely turn of events, the sky burst open and it is pouring rain like nobody’s business. I can almost hear the crunchy grass slurping down each drop. The baby shouts from her room, “Mommy it is raining,” just in case I missed it. It makes me laugh a little. How could I miss it?
I remember reading these words,
“Let us know, let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” (Hosea 6:3, ESV).
He will come to us.
And He will water the dry places.
And He will do it while we beg for miracles, diaper dirty babies, and cry over making coffee. He will. He is about to rain down. I’m not going to miss it. How could I?
:::
If you want to join me in reading 66 books of the Bible in 99 days for one amazing summer, click here.
Oh Stacey, I hear your heart. First, I am sorry to hear about your father. I will pray for him. I know that God holds him. Secondly, it’s such a challenge for me to believe that God will meet me when I read His Word. So many times, I come away from my times in His Word not hearing (or at least not thinking I’ve heard). So many distractions keep me from pressing in. I choose to trust that He meets me, every time I go to Him, whether I feel it or not. I need Him so desperately.
Barbie – that is a great truth about our feelings. Even when we don’t feel it, we must press in and on. Love your honesty friend.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad being sick, I will pray for him if you don’t mind. My brother is fighting cancer for the third time in five years (he has a particularly nasty, aggressive kind), and he was really dreading the chemo. But so far it’s just made him really tired but no sickness yet. Sometimes they can find just the right mix of drugs to help with the nausea. I’m praying they’ll be able to do that for your dad.
Wow — it is a battle isn’t it? Thank you for praying for my dad. I know you understand that feeling of helplessness, too. Covering your brother right now in my morning prayers!
Your words soothe my tired body and soul, friend. Sitting in the rain and the mess with you, waiting expectantly for when the mourning turns to dancing.
xoxo
And soon, we get to sit together! Can’t wait to see you.
Stacey you are precious! I know your tears. I have cried those same ones. I’m praying for you and your family right now.
Love you,
Cyndi
Thank you sweet friend.
Okay, I’m crying with you … for your mom who is facing every fear she’s ever know, for your dad who is staring down the battle of his life, for your heart that is there while your body remains grounded in the daily mix of diaper changes and ballet buns. Yes, my dear friend, God is there, catching tears and holding you firm in His right hand … and we are here too. Those of us who love you and lift you and your family to the Great and Mighty God who sees YOU and loves you. Thank you, for sharing your day and offering us the gift of praying for you and coming alongside you in this difficult season. Much, much love.
Thank you sweet friend. So glad we are digging into the Word together this summer.
I had no idea you were going through something so challenging. God is faithful through it all, but I know the struggles and pain of someone you love, being is sick. My mom-in-law battled brain cancer for a year and passed on to heaven victorious in the Christ’s arms, Jan 2011.
You have been such an inspiration to me. I would not have ever dreamed of committing to something like this. In fact, I said, “No way. Not for me.”
Well, here I am, about to embark on a journey with over a 100 and counting, other beautiful committed souls to read His love letters to us in 90 Days. Amazing.
Thank you for sharing your struggle and how you find your strength through it all. I love your honest heart.
Blessings to you…
Michele-Lyn
Michele-Lyn how neat for us to get to dive into God’s Word together! Love that we found each other through (in)RL and we should have bumped into each other like years ago through Circle and our mutual friends! But God knows! Looking forward to our journey.
Thank you for your sweet words. They mean so much!
This is so great…raw and honest. Thanks for sharing.
I hear ya. It is so hard. I read the bible in 90 days 2x now and both times it was amazing! I am praying for you as you start your journey. It is worth it. Sooo worth it!!