From Chapter 3 {Removing the Veil of Fine}: 

“You might be OK with telling God you are not OK. You may figure, He knows anyway.  It isn’t easy, but it makes good sense to be on the same page with the One who knows your heart from the inside out. David knew this truth, too:

“O Eternal One, You have explored my heart and know exactly who I am; You even know the small details like when I take a seat and when I stand up again. Even when I am far away, You know what I’m thinking. You observe my wanderings and my sleeping, my waking and my dreaming, and You know everything I do in more detail than even I know. You know what I’m going to say long before I say it. It is true, Eternal One, that You know everything and everyone.”

Psalm 139: 1-4, The Voice Translation

Did you catch that? The Eternal One, He knows everything. He knows more than we know. I find this comforting in every way. I can rest in this truth for days.

However, one thing not comforting is the idea of everyone else knowing the small details of my life. I would rather keep my not-being-ok-with-where-I-am  between me and God. I know He can keep a good secret, but my Facebook Friends might be another story. Plus, if I tell them, I’m not OK, they might reject me and call me crazy.

My friend Emily Freeman writes about this so beautifully in Graceful: Letting Go of the Try Hard Life:

“The fear of rejection drives me hard, eating away at my courage. And so my love is cautious. My faith is timid. My story is small. I long to be seen, but I feel safe when I’m invisible. So I stay the good girl. And I hide,” p. 19.

This is the story of my life.  I lived small and played the good and fine girl part like a pro. I did not want others to see my weariness, so I hid behind a veil of, “Fine.”  About a two years ago, I finally stepped out from my favorite hiding place.

I could tell you my story, but I think I’ll save it for the book. Plus, if you have been around here any length of time, you know it already. Instead, I’m going to jump ahead in the chapter to one of my favorite Bible stories. It is filled with drama and has an amazing truth for us as we move toward being OK with where we are…

Veils, Sister-Wives, and the One Who Loves us Truly, Madly, & Deeply

When I think of hiding and veils I think of Leah. She is the poster-girl for hiding. Her story of hiding is found in Genesis chapter twenty-nine.

“Now Laban had two daughters. The older daughter was named Leah, and the younger one was Rachel. There was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes, but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face.” Genesis 29:16-17, NLT

I can see her trying to blend in, not rock the boat, and be the kind of girl who was okay with where she was. But the truth is there was no sparkle in her eyes. She was not okay. 

“Since Jacob was in love with Rachel, he told her father, “I’ll work for you for seven years if you’ll give me Rachel, your younger daughter, as my wife.”

So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her.” Genesis 29:18-23, NLT

The girl without a sparkle in her eyes pretended to be the girl with the lovely face.  She hid behind the veil and played the part. Now, I’m willing to entertain the fact that Leah did not have a whole lot to say about the part she was asked to play. Scripture simply states it happened. We don’t know for sure. But, what I think might be possible, is Leah was able to follow through with the plan because she had been hiding for years. This was all too familiar territory for her. “Live small, stay invisible, be the good girl who always does what you are told,” she might have thought.

We see in the story of Leah how hiding can lead to a whole mess of trouble.  One man, two women, and twelve children set the stage for a massive sister-wives drama. It sounds to me more like a HBO series than a Bible story. I’m so glad God included this in His Word. Real women, who live real broken lives I can identify with speak loudly to me, especially when I am not ok with where I am.  My heart breaks for Leah. Does yours, too? Do you see yourself in her distant stare wondering what could have been?

Yet, even in her hiding we see a loving God who met her right where she was. He knew her hiding places. He saw the one Jacob did not love and chose to bless her. He brought her out of hiding into a beautiful story of legacy through her son Judah. One of my favorite books adds this about the story of Leah:

“Now when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart suddenly it didn’t matter anymore whether her husband loved her the best, or if she was the prettiest. Someone had chosen her, someone did love her—with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” The Jesus Storybook Bible, p 74.

God’s love frees us up, like Leah, to be drawn out of our hiding places, too. He wants us to share our stories and help others to see we work from acceptance not toward it. You know, when Leah took off the veil of fine, I think she was smiling from ear to ear. God loved her, and no matter what others said, that would never change.”

:::

Do you need to take off the veil of fine? Is God calling you to come out of your favorite hiding place? Oh sweet sister, let Him draw you out of there. He has a beautiful story wants to write through you. And it can start, today.

If this particular chapter didn’t get all up in your business, I’m guessing the next one will. At least that is what many have already told me. It is all about the “C” word.  We all struggle with it.  Can you guess it? More next week.

xo,
Stacey

For more on the book, go here.