There it was in black and white: Fear of failure dominates your life.
I learned this compliments of a book I read in college called Search for Significance.I highly recommend it. The book, not the fear of failure part. It has all sorts of test you can take to see where you rate on certain behaviors and such. I scored well on the failure test. Or did I score badly on it? Well, anyway, you get the the idea.
I also learned in the book that fear would not go away on its own. I would need to do something about it or it would follow me all the days of my life. Fear has a habit of sticking around where we let it hide.
For most of my life I let it hide, set up house, decorate and make itself at home. I wasn’t bold and brave because I was afraid I would fail. Fear wrote its ugly name on the walls of my heart and whispered in my ear, “You are sure to fail. And everyone will know who you really are.”
I listened to every word. I carefully orchestrated my life to make sure I would not fail. Oh sure it looked like I was all about making good choices. But really it was about making sure I did not become the new poster girl for the agony of defeat.
And then my 30’s happened. I learned the gift of perspective in the midsts of broken dreams, a cross-country move, and a fresh start. I dug deep into God’s Word and leaned heavy into faith because it was all I had. I scribbled verses down on cards and I put them on my fridge. I stared at them until I could say them backwards. I put them in my prayers back to the One who wrote them in the first place.
I also read a book during that time called, Believing God by Beth Moore. In it she said to write out my fears as well. So I did that, too. I wrote them all down until I found the nasty first fear that lead to all the others.
When I found it I looked at it square in the eye. I told it in no uncertain terms that it was not allowed to stay. I kicked it out with determination and in its place I put my verses. Every day I read my verses, and went back over my list of fears to see who I was believing. In time, I began to see progress. Fear got tired of the battle and moved on.
That was ten years ago. Crazy thing is, it feels like yesterday. Fear still comes knocking on my door every once in a while to see if it can move back in like an unwanted house guest. Take last fall for instance. The day before “Hope for the Weary Mom” launched as an expanded book, I had to tell fear where to go. See, Brooke and I had been told more than once that “Hope” was great, but that it was finished. We couldn’t possibly find more Weary Moms who needed encouragement.
We wrote it anyway. We chose to take the divine detour and trust God. But I have to tell you, I was scared spitless. I was afraid they were right. I wondered what would happen if we said, “Here is our new book” and no one cared to show up. Fear tried to tell me my words were small and vanilla and they no one would really want to read them.
On top of all of this, we decided to give our book away for the first 48 hours. It seemed like a crazy idea. We knew it might not work. I like what Seth Godin said recently:
“This might not work” is either a curse, something that you labor under, or it’s a blessing, a chance to fly and do work you never thought possible.” Seth Godin
But as it turns out, there were still plenty of weary moms out there. We gave away more books than we ever imagined possible. We would have missed it had we caved. I’m so glad we didn’t.
See, God Sized Dreams take God sized faith. Sometimes you have to risk falling to the ground in order to fly higher than you ever imagined you could. Years of putting God’s Word in the place of my fears finally gave me my wings to soar by faith. There is nothing sweeter than arms stretched out in total abandon knowing He will catch you no matter what.
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Q: What about you friend? Is fear keeping you from dreaming God sized dreams? Do you need to make a couple of lists as well? I want to challenge you start today. I would love to suggest this verse for you to start with:
For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth to strongly support those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.
2 Chronicles 16:9a
{I’m linking up with Holley today. I also have a brand new dream buddy to help make sure I’m not letting fear keep me from soaring. Her name is Erin, she is at Home with the Boys. I hope you will drop by her place and get to know her, too.}
I remember working through Search for Significance many years ago. I too suffered from the fear of failure, the fear that I wouldn’t be seen, the fear that what I do doesn’t matter. I think I still struggle at times. I have a couple of e-books in the works, but the “fear that it doesn’t matter and that no one will read” prevents me from moving forward. I that I would trust the Lord for my life, completely!
Oh Stacey! Thank you! How your words spoke to me tonight. What a blessing. Thank you!
scared spitless with ya and I just love your description of the journey before us
dvine detour
Stacey, you have no idea how much I needed to read this. What I wouldn’t give for that feeling of living abundantly in the joy and hope and faith of Jesus to catch me so I can stop hiding in my fear of falling flat on my face. You know what I’m discovering? Now as a mama, an adult, living in this place is all kinds of exhausting. Hugs, friend. So glad to know you & receive wisdom from you 🙂
Thank you so much for this – it was such a timely message for me! I have spent all of my life lost in fear and the Lord has been steadily working away in me bringing me closer to a place of freedom. The book, Search for Significance, was also a big tool in moving me forward in this part of my journey. God is now showing me it is time to step out and follow His ‘God-sized dreams’ for me and I keep thinking He is talking to the wrong girl! This was helpful for me. Thanks!
For some reason this really struck a chord this morning inside my heart…not sure what that means, but I’m listening to see what God says. Thank you, Stacey, for your continual heartfelt encouragement 🙂
Praying for you Ashlie!
What’s this? My two favorite writer mamas in the world teaming up to dream?? Oh what could be better than that?!?
Love you, Stace! Needed this today before I head into the dorms. To talk to freshmen…people young enough to be my offspring. We all need Jesus…
Remember when we were freshman? Oh, how we wanted to be cool! I love how you love students Rob! Praying friend.
As I’ve been making the rounds through our Dreams posts today, I am finding comfort in realizing that many of us struggle with fear and many of us have risen above it. Thank you, Stacey, for encouraging me with your story.
Grace.
I love the picture of arms outstretched, soaring by complete faith, knowing that He will always be there to catch me. 🙂 I needed this today! Thank you so much for sharing your heart…your words are a blessing!
Thank you Stacey for this post. I have struggled a what seems a lifetime of today’s with fear. I like the idea of the lists. While conquering most of the “big” fear issues like acceptance. Acceptance for who I am,and not defined by a ministry. Fearing “the people” as Saul did when he told the prophet Samuel, he feared the people so he chose to disobey God’s direction. A fatal mistake. A bad choice.
So many of those bad choices which I made – because I feared acceptance. It was pride masked as humility. How ashamed I was when God showed me, folks do not like fake. Give the real. Quit trying to be someone I was not. What freedom, when I repented and just became me.
Blessings ~Debra
Debra – I have been there too. Approval and fear of failure are like step sisters of the same father, fear. But we are not his daughters – we belong to Jesus. I’m praying for you friend!
Girl, there ain’t nothin’ vanilla or small about your words. Keep on, sister! We need you. {And the lovely Brooke, too!}
xo sweet sister. xo.
I love you telling your story here. There is much of it I didn’t know. Thank you for being honest about your fears. I know you are right about doing something about fear — they don’t just go away on their own! I am so happy for the success of your book! Amazing God!
Also, your “spitless” made me look twice! lol
Blessings, friend.
Smile….that is funny!