This year I’ve started a wholehearted journey.
And already, just a few weeks in, it has been rather unexpected.
I don’t know about you, but over the past couple of years, I can’t say that I have been 100% engaged or committed to anything. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to be. It is simply that the edges of my life were super thin. I didn’t (or don’t if I’m being honest) have much margin. I’m frayed. Maybe I’ve said it before…I’ve been threadbare. I simply haven’t had the energy.
Last year, my challenge was to be available and within days of that, the LORD began to empty me as well. That was and is still painful. But, I learned not to be afraid of it, understanding that empty didn’t push God away. In fact, it drew him all the more near.
So here I sit, with what I’m going to call an invitation to be wholehearted.
I want to throw myself open to God and not hold anything back. At the same time, I’m tired.
- Tired of holding all the things together. (Old habits die hard.)
- Tired of looking ahead and seeing the same thing tomorrow as today.
- Tired of hiding.
- Tired of being misunderstood.
- Tired of being tired.
Recently, I heard someone say, “You are called to love the life you’ve been given, not understand it.” (Francis Anfuso)
Followed by…“God cares about your heart because he wants it.” (Kadi Cole).
I realized I haven’t exactly loved the life I’ve been given. I have moments of gratitude to be sure, but if I’m being vulnerable here I would say I feel more like a survivor waiting for the next hard thing to happen, than anything else.
It hasn’t been pretty.
So you see, it isn’t that I’m unwilling to offer my life wholeheartedly to the LORD. I just don’t know why he would want it.
Stay with me, friends. I told you this is only the beginning of the journey.
At the same time, something else has happened. I’m seeing the sweetness of the LORD. He has reminded me that his heart is outrageously generous and I need to let my heart be tended by his moment-by-moment.
He is good like that.
And this year, as much as I can, I’m going to choose to lean into who he is, instead of quietly withdrawing while no one is looking. I’m going to commit to writing about that journey here on my blog. Goodness it has been a long time since I’ve had a steady rhythm of writing in this space. I miss it. I think, that it might just be one of the sweet invitations for this wholehearted year the LORD has planned. My goal is to post every Saturday. I hope you will drop in from time-to-time. I love it when you do.
Looking Forward,
Stacey
“With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!” Psalm 119:10
Stacey, your words hit me between the eyes! I know I’ve been withdrawn in this long hard wilderness journey, that seems to get harder by the moment. More and more God and a very wise counselor has been telling me I need my community. I need to reach out to my support system rather than saying, “No, I’ve got this. Really we’re okay.”
Thank you for your sweet reminder! I’m looking forward to following along!
XO
Tammy
And isn’t it interesting, that when God’s people were walking in the wilderness he drew near. That always astounds me. I think it is easy to pack it in and pull away from others because as I said, we just don’t have the energy. But, we are made for more.
I miss you so much! Let’s connect soon Tammy. I love hearing what God is doing in your heart so much!
xo,
Stacey
I am humbled and thankful to be your friend! Keep writing my friend (are you at Panera eating a cookie??!? 😊)
You know me so well! Ha! The sad part is no. But the good news is yesterday I had 2 Panera cookies. It was a good day!
And, this conversation really started with you…so grateful you let me talk it through my friend!
Thank you for sharing your heart and journey with us. He is using you to help me.
Sonja that is so nice to hear. I’m praying for you!
Thank you, Stacey. I’ll be here and I’m so grateful you sent an email alerting those on your mailing list that you would be writing here. And this “You are called to love the life you’ve been given, not understand it.” (Francis Anfuso)…well, let’s just say that I needed that reminder! 🙂
I’m so glad you wrote this! I can relate 100% and needed your beautiful words! Looking forward to Saturdays!
A few thoughts as I read:
Reading that comment by Francis Anfuso, I immediately thought that it must be a man without children of his own….😉. I have always struggled to understand the ‘why’ of things… I don’t believe that it is a bad thing…I see it as very important, helping one to change perspective and behavior.
It’s exceedingly difficult to let go of feeling a need to be the one holding all things together…it’s absolutely necessary tho for one’s own peace of mind and it does help to “Let go, let God”! …trusting more in Him….
Well, I think he does have kids but they are grown! He was a great “heart” speaker. He challenged me for sure!
And the “holding it all together” oh friend I hear you! Praying you can rest a little more this week.
Hi Stacey, your post really resonates with me. I feel like I’ve been living on the fringe for too long. I’m tired, I’ve lost heart, I’ve quietly slipped off the scene over the last two years when I could, and my whole heart is not seeking God, I have wandered away and have followed Christ from a distance. I look forward to your writings that have inspired me so much in the past.
Oh Sue! Thank you for sharing your heart here. It is a step right? Let’s lean into the shepherd—together!
Praying for you!
Stacey
I so love hearing you through your words on pages. I can FEEL those words. The pain yes of waiting for the next bad thing to happen but at the same time knowing even the bad things can’t separate me from the love of God. Im a seeker. I love reading your words. I cant wait to read your blog every Saturday. Praying for you
Thank you kindly Sandy! You are such an encouragement to me!
Sweet Stacey, Thank you so much for these God given words today. As if they were just for me. I too am on my new journey. I have also been Thread Bare. I will be here every Saturday to read your blog. Also, I so enjoyed the quote from Francis Anfuso and Kadi Cole. I have not heard them but that brought everything into perspective for me.
I’ve been praying for you Pam! And I’m grateful for your journey too. I see you being faithful even when it is hard and that truly blesses me! Thank you for loving and teaching my girl each week too! I am so grateful.
Thank you Stacey for leading by example. I think we ALL are feeling this way.
Our church is having the theme of THRIVE this year instead of survive.
❤️🙏
That is a good word! Love when we can call each other up to better things like that.
I felt your words 100%, and was convicted by them. Thank you for your vulnerability. I look forward to reading your Saturday posts!
You are not alone! I’m praying for you Carolyn!
I feel it, too– all the “tired of” list, even tired of being tired.
It’s nice to see someone writing more than catchy blurbs. Glad I got your email that this was posted.
[& maybe it’s a sign my eyes are getting old, but I’m not finding the grey print easy to read
Shae I am sorry about the grey print! I am wanting to update my blog so hopefully that will get easier to read! Glad you dropped in!
This blog is me. I am tired, frayed, with little margin in my life. But, I continue to press in to God the best I can. Even if I am limping along the way.
Same here my friend! Praying for you right now!
I love your realness. I’m kind of threadbare myself and it always helps knowing I’m not the only one not living their ideal life!
Oh my friend you are not alone! I’m praying for you right now!