“The view from where I sit is rather grey.” – Elizabeth Bennet
Pride and Prejudice (the movie, the new one, not the old one)
Grief is a strange thing.
For some strange reason it keeps coming back to me in images of water.
Initially, I felt like I was in an ocean of it. Sounds were muffled and life was happening all around I was just kind of sort of outside it all.
Now it comes more in waves as my friend Lara said.
My mom quoted a book to me last night that said it is OK to take a vacation from the world for a bit when you are in the early stages of grief. This sounds like exactly what my heart needs, except as a mom of four I’m not sure that is really an option.
Below is an excerpt from a newsletter I sent out this week. I wanted to share it here in case you missed it.
“Somehow in the past week our lives have been in fast forward and slow motion all at the same time. And honestly, I’m not sure if I’m coming or going.
A friend of mine told me about French word. It is bouleverser. It means ‘a total upheaval, an upset, an absolute reorientation of the way you saw the world before.’ She said, “That’s what you have ahead of you. I and so many others in the family of Christ will be praying you through the agony, the blur, the chaos as you try to figure out a world without your father in it.”
Yes. Yes. Yes. This is where I am. In the blur.
So, this time of mourning has me quite perplexed. Every time I come to the page to write. . . nothing. Do I write my way out of it or write my way toward gratitude and joy? I hardly know at this point.
I just wanted to let you know I’m here. I’ll be around. Right now 140 characters seems a whole lot easier than a full on blog post. But, that will come sooner or later. Thank you for grace. For those who have prayed, emailed, sent cards, given money to get my family home, commented on my blog, posted on Facebook and Twitter—thank you. I see it all and it all means the world to me.”
And then there is this promise:
“He provides me rest in rich, green fields
beside streams of refreshing water.
He soothes my fears;”
Psalms 23:2
See, there is something to this water thing. I’m clinging to this one with both hands because God always does what He says He will.
xo,
Stacey
P.S. Thanks so much for your grace.
Girl, I can’t tell you how often the Lord has brought you to my mind, heart, and prayers. And just know that I – and undoubtedly countless others – are here too.
I love you more than words can convey…
If only it was just a diet coke and cupcake between us instead of the entire country.
love and miss you friend.
Thanks for sharing Stacey. I love that French word.
Stacey,
while I don’t know you personally, I met you at the RGT conference. I am so sorry for your loss. while it’s not the same, I lost 3 of my children because they were born too premature. the act of “life” going on was so hard to grasp, and the way you put it of life being in fast forward and slow motion at the same time is a great description. we had to make funeral arrangement plans, yet life around us kept going on. grocery shopping, bills to pay, jobs to take care of, etc. I had a 15 month old at the time, and taking a break from life was not an option. though that’s what we did as a family. we all took a break from life for a bit. it was the best thing we did. so if you and your husband and children are in a place to be able to take a week or so (we took a month….)I would just shut out the world and create memories, just be, go somewhere to be able to block out distractions of this world…people used to dress in black and stay out of social events, etc for a few months to a year. there’s something to that I think. anyways, praying you find your feet, you are able to stand firm and focus and find your words again. grief is a hard thing, and it’s even harder if you try to rush through it because of the standards the world puts on it. blessings, peace and grace to you in this time of sorrow.
heather
Stacy, I have been there. Be gentle with yourself. Take all the time you need. And, please know you are very present in my heart and thoughts and prayers.
Stacey, just stopping by to check in. Your pretty face and name keep popping up in my everyday life and and when I think of you I whisper a little prayer. Love you!
This brings tears to my eyes friend. Thank you. God is near, and so faithful but the waves just keep coming. So prayer is such a gift. –xo
Stacey, I have stopped by on occasion, and today i was so very prompted to stop by again and see how you are….and to send you a big hug from someone so far away, whom you’ve never met, but feels and knows the pain of loading someone close……You are precious to the Lord, He is holding your hand, and as you beautifully put it, quoting Psalm 23 :2 He will refresh your soul…..God bless you and your family with His peace…..x