“The view from where I sit is rather grey.” – Elizabeth Bennet

Pride and Prejudice (the movie, the new one, not the old one)

 Grief is a strange thing.

For some strange reason it keeps coming back to me in images of water.

Initially, I felt like I was in an ocean of it. Sounds were muffled and life was happening all around I was just kind of sort of outside it all.

Now it comes more in waves as my friend Lara said. 

My mom quoted a book to me last night that said it is OK to take a vacation from the world for a bit when you are in the early stages of grief. This sounds like exactly what my heart needs, except as a mom of four I’m not sure that is really an option.

Below is an excerpt from a newsletter I sent out this week. I wanted to share it here in case you missed it.

“Somehow in the past week our lives have been in fast forward and slow motion all at the same time. And honestly, I’m not sure if I’m coming or going.

A friend of mine told me about  French word. It is bouleverser. It means ‘a total upheaval, an upset, an absolute reorientation of the way you saw the world before.’ She said,  “That’s what you have ahead of you. I and so many others in the family of Christ will be praying you through the agony, the blur, the chaos as you try to figure out a world without your father in it.”

Yes. Yes. Yes. This is where I am. In the blur.

So, this time of mourning has me quite perplexed. Every time I come to the page to write. . . nothing. Do I write my way out of it or write my way toward gratitude and joy? I hardly know at this point.

I just wanted to let you know I’m here. I’ll be around. Right now 140 characters seems a whole lot easier than a full on blog post. But, that will come sooner or later. Thank you for grace. For those who have prayed, emailed, sent cards, given money to get my family home, commented on my blog, posted on Facebook and Twitter—thank you. I see it all and it all means the world to me.”

And then there is this promise:

“He provides me rest in rich, green fields
beside streams of refreshing water.
He soothes my fears;”

Psalms 23:2

See, there is something to this water thing. I’m clinging to this one with both hands because God always does what He says He will.


P.S. Thanks so much for your grace.