We all want a formula or at least someone to tell us how to DO this thing called parenting. You know what I’m learning? Parenting, is a full time job. Parenting with Grace as the under current of your home, takes even more time than that. It is life constant and then some. But Grace is not a formula. It is a relationship. And it is not for wimps or perfect people. It is for sinners like me, who realize they are in need of the very thing they long to give.
In the next 3 chapters, Dr. Kimmel identifies 3 gifts we give our children, that can meet their driving inner needs of security, significance, and strength. They are:
a secure love
a significant purpose
a strong hope
Dr. Kimmel says, “the most effective vehicle God designed to transfer these to a human heart is a grace based home. “ (p. 43) Here are a few key points:
Secure Love: (Chapter 3)
- Not earned
- Does not have to be competed for.
- Costs the giver more .
- Requires my commitment to give it.
- Is to your needs and interests.
- Accepts our kids as they are.
- Given with generous and regular affection.
Significant Purpose: (Chapter 4)
- Made like Him we have a need to matter.
- Parents carry the greatest potential for influence.
- Regularly affirmed kids feel significant.
- Kids who have our attention feel significant.
- Gracefully admonishing our kids grooms our kids for greatness.
Strong Hope: (Chapter 5)
- Without hope, a balanced life is impossible.
- Grace based parents produce hope filled children.
- Parenting hope filled children may not be convenient.
- They learn hope from trusting in us first.
- They learn hope by watching US trust God.
- Is produced when we train them according to their bent.
- Is birthed not in safe kids, but strong kids where faith grows.
The best thing I can say about this book it is that it is stirring my heart. It is opening my eyes, and it is helping me to see that Grace Based Parenting is not really a one size fits all mentality. Built largely on relationship it takes intentionality, time, and perseverance. Of this, Dr. Kimmel says:
Grace Based parenting is a heart-activated plan that takes its cues from a daily walk with Jesus Christ. Because of this, grace and strict parenting textbooks will never find themselves in agreement. (p. 101)
Even though we know their 3 driving inner needs, and the gifts we have the opportunity each day to apply, there is no formula or 3 step program to work it out. These needs are targets. The gifts are the arrows we have a chance to shoot every day right to the hearts of our kids. Some days, we hit the mark. They breathe grace. Some days, we fail. And we breath His grace. What matters is that in the ebb and flow of our daily lives we understand our mission.
What is God stirring in your heart during this discussion of Grace? Do want a formula too? Or are you perfectly fine working it out in the context of your relationships? Which of the 3 gifts do you find most easy to apply? Let’s chat!
{Grace Based Parenting : Part 1}
Join us next Tuesday for chapters 6-8!
Wow. I like what you ask, “Do you want a formula too?” I talk about my own heart bent on finding a formula, a recipe. It chokes out grace and I have to stop & start back over at the place He began this new life of grace in me. Parenting with relationship in mind sure opens the doors to lasting results…a place God can have room for His work. Love this!
We so want a quick fix! We are the “fast food” generation after all! I love relationship, too – but it takes far longer than a rule or a formula. It takes a lifetime lived one day at time. It is messy. But a beautiful mess that I am embracing! Thanks for stopping by Robyn!
Stacey I am loving this book, and the way it causes me to rely on God, not a formula to offer grace to our children! I am not quite up to chapter 5 yet, but looking forward to it! Joining you today!
It is a rich read Danielle! I am having trouble condensing my posts! I guess that means I have so much to learn! Checking your your post now!
Oh that is for sure Jamie! I have found parenting to be God’s primary tool for molding me and showing me how much I need to rely on His grace – especially when I blow it! Thanks for stopping by and joining this discussion today!
I’d say, the easiest thing for me (though it’s still not easy) is a Strong Hope–and only because the other two are incredibly difficult. I fight constantly with selfish-flesh. But I am learning.
I am really enjoying your posts on this because it’s really whetting my appetite to read the book (I have it on my bookshelf, just waiting 🙂 )
I think one of the most important things that I come across time and again is :: being intentional. I really believe this is the backbone to it all.
You know Christin – I think if we raise kids with a strong hope – they will be able to do just about anything in life and naturally encourage others to do the same!
Next week, we will look at 6,7,8 – jump in with us!
And you are so right – being intentional is key!
Ok, well I’m not a parent, but I have been looking back at the other posts in this Grace Notes series, and I love it! And I love reading the Grace Story posts as well. Thanks for reminding us about grace!
Excited to read about grace for all of 2011!
I have to read this book! Ever since reading Sally Clarkson’s Seasons of a Mother’s Heart, I have had grace based parenting on my mind and heart.
It is so good Marci! We are only 1/2 way through, so be sure to come back for the next 2 weeks to get a glimpse of the rest of the book!
Okay, I’ve officially added this book to my “to be read” list.
Here’s something that struck me about one of the characteristics of “secure love:” that is “Costs the giver more.” How powerful! And, what an example of humble servitude based in, because of, and full of grace.
Thank you for these grace-filled posts, Stacey. I look forward to reading these.
Caroline – that part of Secure Love grabbed my heart too!
Grace says it all. It is what moms need. It is what kids need.