People keep asking and I’m guessing you are wondering, too. They want to know how I am. They wonder how long is the right amount of time to let me be and expect me to smile back and say, “I’m good. Fine. How are you?”
Truthfully, I’m OK. I’m sad and OK. Lately, I’ve been mostly exhausted. Able to do some things creatively and necessary for my family, but not more than a few things in a row. Grief has settled in my life with something of a limitation. Almost like a child who can only do so much without a scheduled nap-time. I can do things, but only so much until I fall asleep in my chair at lunch. And here is the thing. As a mom, I have to do certain things. But the invitation throughout this journey has been to simply be. To be near to Jesus. To be OK with a sad heart. To be in the moment.
I’ve learned that grieving is part of the way we heal. It is how our hearts and minds move forward. It is still a fog at times. It rolls in with steadiness, and tiny things bring tears. Don’t even get me started about the Kohls commercial with the little boy and the diving board.
I think this is normal. But, since I’ve never really been here before I can’t say.
Today marks a month, but really it feels like yesterday and forever at the same time. Not one day has passed where I haven’t thought about my dad. Or my mom and how to walk with her through this new normal none of us like.
We walk by faith. We cling to Jesus. He is enough.
I can be OK with where I am today, because Jesus is OK. He is in control. He has me right where He wants me.
I can also report that Hope is at the bottom of the pit ready to catch you when you fall. He really, truly, is.
So next week I’ll add a few more of the chapters from the book. And hopefully soon I’ll have a few other things to share. But for now, let’s stand on our promises. Let’s be grateful for hope.
P.S. Do you want a free set of Scripture Cards? Included are my favorite verses. Go here.
Also, do you know I have a free 4 day devotional based on Being OK with Where You Are? You can get it free by going here.
Grief is so exhausting, but so necessary. When my friend passed away suddenly in February, I was barely able to function beyond the basics for those first weeks. But knowing she is with Jesus and that He is right here with us, holding us through this, got me through (and still does). I am so sorry about your dad.
Oh, Stacey, I know what you mean. Grief can suck the life right out of you! At least for a while. I (finally) sent you a note via snail mail yesterday and I knew that it was one month since your dad passed away. I think of you daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. When my dad died in early March, I knew it was coming, he was afterall, 92. Still, I am incredibly sad and the grief comes in waves. In places that surprise me. At a stoplight. In the grocery store. Weird, random places. I think grief is a process we must walk through.
Susan Stilwell lost her mom in January. She wrote a great post on March 4 – the day my dad died – on her thoughts and some things she learned. I highly recommend reading it. One thing she says is “We all know processing multiple apps causes your phone battery to drain, and the same applies to processing multiple emotions: they cause your physical battery to drain.”
You can find it here: http://susanstilwell.com/2014/03/on-death-and-dying-losing-my-mom/
Hugs and lots of prayers coming you way…
Stacey, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It is so hard to lose a parent. Grieving takes time and energy. You can’t rush it, unfortunately, because it resurfaces in bad emotions later on. Just know that it will pass in spurts and then you will move into a new season and eventually learn how to function there. But the Lord does hold us through it all and lead us through to a time when the pain has lessened.
Praying for you,