It just isn’t who I am.
I like rules.
I like to know what is expected of me.
I want to know the right way to do things.
And generally, I will do exactly what is right if I know. The pull to please my betters has always been hardwired into my heart.
But that is the thing. My heart. Is an entirely different story.
“The problem with God’s people wasn’t immorality. It was idolatry.” – Elizabeth Woodson
And it is my problem too. Idolatry is when I want anything else MORE than I want God. It might look like (and it does for me):
And these wantings? Aren’t viewed bad in the world. They are actually celebrated. Wanting comfort is seen as “self-care”, needing escape is “natural”, and approval is “social media”.
I can convince myself that they aren’t’ that bad. And, here is the real issue—I can hide them all day long from others. Or mask them. Or dress them up. It doesn’t really matter in the world anyway. They won’t land me with sideways glances or public scrutiny.
Whole. That tiny adjective in front of “heart” is my undoing today.
“And Jesus replied to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” Matthew 22:37-38
All your heart. All your soul. All your mind.
Jesus doesn’t want part of me. He doesn’t want to share my affection. He doesn’t want the leftovers. He wants all of me.
Friends, half-hearted might get me likes on Instagram. But it won’t satisfy. Not really. This isn’t his way of punishing me. It is his way of setting me free.
What do I want more than I want God?
I don’t know if this is your thing, too. Maybe what grabs at your heart is something different. But if you are a little bit like me, your comfort level is starting to go south. And just so you know, that is where I’ve been for some time now.
The sweetest part is that, when I look into his heart, I don’t see condemnation. I see grace. And his whole heart. Loving me fiercely.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
I love this so much, Stacey! I’m thankful you are sharing words again. And good reminder for us all: What do I want more than I want God?
Thank you friend. Can you tell I’ve been reading Leviticus? I am reminded of “I am the LORD your God” means he wants our whole heart. Only he is worthy.
Stacey, I was just with your mom today in a prayer meeting. We haven’t been together for a good (bad) while, and it was so refreshing. She is such an inspiration to me. The apple (you) has not fallen far from the good tree.
Yes, wholehearted has also been on my mind recently. Convicted by “all.” All your heart. All your soul.
All your strength. All your mind. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Prone to please others. Prone to please myself. Here’s my heart, Lord. It’s worthless without you. Jesus, you are worthy of all. I trust you to complete the good work you’ve begun in me. Thank you that you are entirely faithful.
Oh that is the perfect hymn! Come though fount of every blessing is the fruit of being wholehearted I think! So glad you got spend time with my mom! I know it blessed her too!
Thank you Stacey for your honesty in sharing your heart with us. I struggle with getting sidetracked from what I’m trying to focus on. I desire “to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength and with all my mind” but so many times when I begin my quiet time with the Lord the phone rings, I think about something I HAVE to run and do RIGHT then, something I need to add to my one or two page “to do list”, a phone call I need to return, and on and on……..
If I stop to do those things I become frustrated because time has passed and I haven’t even begun my time with the Lord. It often ends up being at night when I get back to it. 🥴 I’m not being legalistic but realistic. I know that Jesus still loves me but my day is affected just rushing around to do stuff. You would think that by age 71, I would have that mastered by now but I’m still working on it. I praise the Lord that “He’s still working on me…..” and I pray that He always will be until I reach my eternal home someday. Thank you Stacey for your ministry! 💗✝️💗
I think distractions are totally normal. And often out of our control. The enemy knows how to pull us away. Praying for you Denise!
I needed to hear this. I too was a good church girl; then I had a rebellious period. Never forgot my childhood faith but sure didn’t live like it.
Now I’m seeking so much more of him but do I want things more than him?
Thats a hard question and if im honest there are things I long for. Im weary. But what I want more than anything is to want him more than anything. ❤
We need to ask this question every day! It so resonates with me in this season. Praise God he is in it for the long haul and even in our times of moving away from him, he sees the whole picture and keeps pursuing our hearts!