A photo by Tim Wright. unsplash.com/photos/5-7_3m8AREU
 Being a good Christian girl has not been a problem for me. What I mean by that is that I haven’t struggled with wild things or been particularly unruly.


It just isn’t who I am.

I like rules.

I like to know what is expected of me.

I want to know the right way to do things.

And generally, I will do exactly what is right if I know.  The pull to please my betters has always been hardwired into my heart.

But that is the thing. My heart. Is an entirely different story.

“The problem with God’s people wasn’t immorality. It was idolatry.” – Elizabeth Woodson

And it is my problem too. Idolatry is when I want anything else MORE than I want God. It might look like (and it does for me):

  • Comfort
  • Escape
  • Approval

And these wantings? Aren’t viewed bad in the world. They are actually celebrated. Wanting comfort is seen as “self-care”, needing escape is “natural”, and approval is “social media”.

I can convince myself that they aren’t’ that bad.  And, here is the real issue—I can hide them all day long from others. Or mask them. Or dress them up. It doesn’t really matter in the world anyway. They won’t land me with sideways glances or public scrutiny.

Whole. That tiny adjective in front of “heart” is my undoing today.

  • Entire.
  • Full.
  • Complete.

“And Jesus replied to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.” Matthew 22:37-38

All your heart. All your soul. All your mind.

  • Whole*hearted.
  • Whole*souled.
  • Whole*mind.

Jesus doesn’t want part of me. He doesn’t want to share my affection. He doesn’t want the leftovers. He wants all of me.

Friends, half-hearted might get me likes on Instagram. But it won’t satisfy. Not really. This isn’t his way of punishing me. It is his way of setting me free.

What do I want more than I want God?

I don’t know if this is your thing, too. Maybe what grabs at your heart is something different. But if you are a little bit like me, your comfort level is starting to go south. And just so you know, that is where I’ve been for some time now.

The sweetest part is that, when I look into his heart, I don’t see condemnation. I see grace. And his whole heart. Loving me fiercely.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

Looking Forward,