More than one friend encouraged me during our darkest hours in the ICU, to sing over Mike. Having poured out my heart in worship the night of his cardiac arrest, as God would plan it, I really didn’t have anything left.
I mouthed the words to “Holy Spirit” in his room one night through tears but honestly that was all the worship I could find. Instead I asked the nurses for a CD player and we played hymns and instrumental music constantly while he slept.
I understand Even If…I still will moments. I’m in the middl of one right now. They have been weaved in and out of my life for years. It took me months to come out of the wilderness of grief singing after the loss of my dad. This was when I discovered Habakkuk—a farmer turned prophet turned writer who happened to be a worship leader. And what did Habakkuk do? In the face of an uncertain future, Habakkuk inhaled the breath of God and worshipped.
In the 3rd chapter of the book that bears his name he writes:
Even if the fig tree does not bloom
And there are no grapes on the vines,
If the olive tree fails to give fruit
And the fields produce no food,
If the flock die far from the fold
And there are no cattle in the stalls;
The I will still rejoice in the Eternal!
I will rejoice in the God who saves me!
The Eternal Lord is my strength!
He has made my feet like the feet of a dear;
He allows me to walk on high places.” 3:17-19, The Voice
I don’t know where you are today, but I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, I understand pain and grief. I also know beyond a doubt that Jesus meets us in the wilderness. He is the Door of hope. He does not leave us—he will not leave you—alone to crumble to pieces. Jesus is with you always. He stays. He sings softly. And when your heart is ready, he gives you his song.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is worship God. Especially when we don’t feel like it. I am taking baby steps back to worshipping bravely. Maybe you are too because you have an “Even If…I still will story” of your own.
Based on Habakkuk 3:17-19 which is the heart of chapter 10 in Fresh Out of Amazing, this beautiful t-shirt is available for pre-order and will begin shipping on May 30th. My favorite part is that all profits from the sale of this shirt go towards The Seed Company, Esther Cluster A special project training women to share the Bible in their own language. How amazing is God? Truly he is.
I can’t wait to get this shirt. I’m going wear mine as a declaration over my own heart first. I’m going to pray that God continues to let me hear the song he is singing over me.
And I will sing there. I have that promise.
When you place a pre-order with Sarah of Heart Work Tees before May 8 you get a free bookmark and three digital prints for download based on Fresh Out of Amazing. You will also be entered to win a prize pack that includes a shirt (or refund), a print + journal, and a Fresh Out of Amazing book.
P.S. Do you have an Even If…I Still Will story? Would you share it here in the comments? Maybe as a brave step you would share this on Social Media with the #evenifIstillwill and #freshoutofamazing and a link back here.